Petty Revenge, or The Origin of the Monopods
by apprentice wordsmith
Summary: Coriakin is not particularly pleased about his exile. And the inhabitants of his island are terribly annoying. So he tries to do something about it. No slash, sex, profanity, or violence, just a tribe of very stupid Duffers.


Petty Revenge, or The Origin of the Monopods

Author's Note: So I was re-reading VoDT the other day and got to thinking about Coriakin's situation with the Duffers. This little fic was the result. It's very short and simple, so by all means, read it to your kids, if you have kids. I mean, I suppose you could read it to random children on the street, but that might garner some funny looks from passers-by.

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Coriakin stomped back into the house, snarling and gnashing his teeth. Or rather, he would have snarled, if he'd considered it appropriate for a star. But really, those Duffers were so very irritating.

It was his own fault, Coriakin supposed. He had always been impatient with creatures that he considered less intelligent than himself, so when he'd been exiled, it was only natural that Aslan would send him to this particular island. If you wanted to teach someone patience, the Duffers were a very good people to practice with.

At first, he had thought their antics were some kind of joke. Once the disbelief wore off, he considered that perhaps the Duffers were actually trying to experiment, in the hopes of being more efficient. Planting pre-boiled potatoes was a stupid idea, but it did make some kind of sense to try to do the work now instead of putting it off for later.

"This is the last straw!" Coriakin growled to himself as he toed off his boots and hunted around for a pair of house shoes. He had told the Duffers over and over again that there was no reason to hike all the way up to the spring to fetch water; the stream ran right past their village. Of course the silly creatures wouldn't listen. If the stream had run through a cow pasture or was otherwise contaminated before reaching the Duffers' village, he would understand their desire to collect water directly from the spring, but that water was perfectly drinkable until it ran into the bay. Aslan Himself would have been frustrated at this point.

Not for the first time, Coriakin entertained the idea that Aslan had actually sent him to rule the Duffers because the Great Lion couldn't bear the idea of doing it Himself. So, He simply delegated the responsibility to someone else. And who better to be tortured by the idiotic little beings than an exiled star?

But, no more. He would teach the Duffers a lesson once and for all. Coriakin went up the stairs and into his work room. He could find a spell to make the Duffers obey him. And if Aslan objected,_ He_ could try ruling over the lot of them.

It was only a moment's work to open the book of spells and find one to make creatures obey their master. Coriakin began reciting the words. The spell went on for nearly two pages, but he had cast more complicated ones before.

When he was midway through the spell, he heard a strange noise and looked up. It sounded like a cross between a laugh and a growl, but no one was there. He mentally scolded himself for imagining things and looked back at the book. Oh no! He had put his finger on top of a word, to mark his place, but he couldn't remember if that was the next word of the spell, or the last one he had said!

Coriakin wracked his brain for a few moments, trying to remember his place. He finally decided that he had already said that word, so he went on with the spell. After deciphering and speaking the last page of the spell, he closed the book and went to find some refreshment. Casting spells was hungry work.

As Coriakin ate, he pondered the obedience spell. He hoped that it had worked, even if he'd lost his place during the casting. He decided to go for a walk after lunch and see its effects. Hopefully there would be no lasting effects. Aside from obedient Duffers, of course. That would be a nice change. Perhaps, Coriakin thought, they would eventually become used to doing things logically, and he would be able to remove the spell after a time! That would be exciting. Coriakin didn't_ like_ the idea of forcing the Duffers to do as he ordered, but since nothing else had worked, this was his only option.

The village of the Duffers was only a short walk from his house, just far enough away that Coriakin didn't have to hear them all the time. As usual, they were in an uproar; he could hear the racket almost as soon as he stepped out his front door.

"Now what's the matter?" Coriakin muttered to himself as he hurried down the path. At this rate his first order to the Duffers would be to forbid them from shouting.

He rounded to corner and stopped in his tracks, his mouth dropping open in horror.

The spell_ had_ been altered by his mistake. Instead of a village of Duffers, a horde of one-legged dwarfs were leaping about and crashing into things, all the while making obvious statements about their transformation, or else, agreeing with everything the others said.

They had become Monopods! He had no idea that a simple error could have such strange and far reaching consequences. And it was certainly no use trying to make them obey him now. Layering one spell on top of another might cause even more drastic effects. What a fool he had been, to think he could simply make the Duffers do as he wanted. His shoulders slumped in despair and as Coriakin stared at the newly-transformed Monopods, he could have sworn he heard a Lion's laughter drifting on the wind.

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Author's Note: Poor Coriakin… Aslan probably got a laugh out of that. And if he didn't, the Duffers' shenanigans are enough to make anyone giggle.

This whole thing was thought up, written down, and edited in about an hour, so if you see any obvious mistakes, please let me know, so I can fix them. Thanks for reading!


End file.
